Touch

My libido is almost non-existent.  I can't say why that is. So living the law of chastity has been a not-so-difficult thing for me. My attractions are almost never sexually driven. But they are deeply connection driven.

We all have what are known as Love Languages:

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

A few of these languages speak loudly to me - physical touch, quality time and words of affection. Of these, however, physical touch outweighs them all.  And for me, it is not about "the bedroom" at all. I haven't always recognized the power of touch for me, but over the past several years, that aspect of my life has come into clear focus. I love and crave touch. And just as it says above, "Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face" are all very meaningful for me. They are healing, validating, and confirm any words of affirmation that are spoken.

I often "purr" inside with touch - even the simplest touch. I've been known to purr out loud as well. I don't know what it is about even the act of touch that reaches me so deeply and means so much to me, but even my favorite person resting her arm on my head, while silly, is so meaningful to me.

Maybe because my personal boundaries don't allow sexually intimate touch to show and receive affection (the times I have gone there, or as close as I've been able to were always hit and miss with me - sometimes I was fine, other times not. The uncertainty of how I would react made the act very unsettling), all I do have is simple touch, and so I long for it, need it, am lifted by it as others would be through more sexual contact. It means that someone else loves me enough to want to connect with me both emotionally and physically. It means I am wanted, chosen, loved, and that another person is glad to have me around, right there.