In the last General Conference, President Monson gave a beautiful talk on living with gratitude. We shared it in a family home evening. I shared it with my Young Women class. I read it over again a couple of times. It is something I try to do daily.
In Doctrine and Covenants 59:21 the Lord tells us:
And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things.
So I try. Some days I am better at expressing and feeling gratitude than other days. When things are hard, and I am feeling pretty low or beaten down, or in the midst of a trial, that expression of gratitude comes hard. Also the knowledge that my burdens will be made light if I turn my focus outside of myself is sometimes a very hard thing to do during those times.
I've recently been experiencing such a time. As with most things, the journey is becoming easier. But in the beginning and in the midst of it all, I found myself struggling to feel any gratitude. I expressed it in my mind, and tried to feel it in my heart, but it would not come. I knew that turning my focus outward would also bring a measure of comfort, getting out of my own head. However, that is generally easier said than done.
A blog post I recently read touched me very much and spoke of
"Bearing the seemingly unbearable." I've included a snippet here, but would encourage any and all to read the entire post. It is very applicable to anyone in any situation.
Each of us, at some point in time in our lives, will bear things that are seemingly unbearable. The reconciliation of our own spiritual truths with our sexual orientation; the loss of someone we love and whose soul has become intertwined with our own; bad news from physicians that predict dire outcomes for us or those we love.
I am no exception. Like you, I have had to endure things that, in the moment, seem unendurable...
...The one thing that could change, however, was my own attitude about my situation, and how I chose to understand myself and my Savior. For my Savior alone, the author and finisher of my faith, could provide the deliverance I sought. I had no choice but to place my expectations, desires, my despair as well as my joy, in the hands of my Lord.
I challenge each of you—whether you’re facing the unbearable now, or in the future—to find something positive hidden within a difficult situation, and allow yourself to be grateful. I believe that, like me, you’ll be surprised at how much a little gratitude can help."
Again, read the entire post. It is full of truth and hope.
And so I continue to move forward. I often wish that so many things in my life were different. But I can't let myself get caught in that trap or I'll be stuck there forever. Rather, it would be more helpful for me to do as President Monson admonished:
"When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given."
And I know somewhere in that talk (or a similar one), but I can't seem to find it now, he said something along the lines of: Rather than dwell on what we don't have or on what we lack, let us recognize and be grateful for what we have.
And so I try.
