Living Consciously

So being LDS and being gay sometimes presents some interesting personal moments - especially not being totally "out" to everyone.

I am not in denial about my sexuality. I am a woman attracted to women. I am not confused about what I want in my life. I am a very religious person. I always have been. That part of my life defines me more than my sexuality does. 

But these two things don't always seem to mesh in the minds of other people. Well, I have to assume that. I guess personally I haven't had anyone criticize or question me about anything, but I can just imagine the thoughts going through some people's minds, especially friends I've had growing up who know my personality; those who probably knew before I did that I was gay. They see me. They see who I live with. They see who I spend my family vacations and holidays with. And then they see that I am still LDS and heavily involved with my church and calling as Young Women President. And I have no doubt that more than one has thought, "Wow, she is still in so much denial."

So how do I settle this for myself? I feel like I want to be known - at least in some circles. I have always wondered (and sometimes worried) what people think of me. What they think about me. I guess part of me doesn't mind too much that someone might assume things incorrectly about me - assume I'm in denial. But at the same time, I'd like them know I'm not an idiot about myself. And that I am living my life consciously and purposefully.

Beyond that thought I'm not sure where to take this. I don't think it's necessary at this time in my life to live totally "out", and I have specific reasons for that. But at the same time, there are reasons for me to want to be more open about myself and how and why I live my life the way I do. But I need to be careful about that. If it's just a pride thing, so people will know I'm not an idiot and in denial, then that might not be the best reason to open up more.

Things to think about.