Roses of Life

In my front yard I have a few rose bushes. When I first moved into my house, I thought they were pretty ugly and ratty. Then they bloomed. And the one that I thought looked the ugliest and rattiest, actually produced roses that were the most wonderful smelling things I had ever experienced.

I would stop by that rose bush every day on my way to and from my house. And with that, I adopted the idea of stopping to smell the roses of life. Not just the physical roses, but those things in life that bring peace, comfort, happiness, stillness, feelings of goodness, etc. It's amazing to recognize that there really is something to celebrate in every day.

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.   ~Author Unknown

After too long a time not noticing those roses, it's time once again to celebrate all that life has to offer. 

Too many of my posts lately have focused on something less than positive. And that attitude does not look good on me. It doesn't feel good, either.  And it isn't accurate. While it's true I've had some difficult times in the past several months, I've also had many wonderful times. It is time I start focusing on that once again.

Learn to smile at every situation.  See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.  ~Joe Brown

Sometimes fear overcomes us, overcomes me. And when I let that fear take over, it is very difficult to find hope or peace or sunshine. One can't be happy all the time, but it's one thing to experience a passing gloominess, and another thing to let it rule your life. 

Let your inner sunshine overcome the passing haze of discontent.   ~Dodinsky

I'm deciding now to pay attention to the roses of life, to change my attitude, to look toward the sunshine, to let go of hurt and confusion, and trust in the goodness of life.

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.  ~ Doctrine and Covenants 6:36

Lasting Influence

I've never really had a problem with Mother's Day. Not until yesterday, that is. I mean, people in the ward try so hard to be inclusive. But I think lately, that "going out of your way to be inclusive" has felt more exclusive than anything.

"You're a mother in the ward."  "You have great influence on our youth."   "You are a mother to so many." Well, while I appreciate the effort to try an include me, all I can really think is "No, I'm not a mother. I'm a youth leader. I'm a woman. But that doesn't make me a mother. I have no posterity. And now I'm reminded once again that I'm just a little different than most other women in the ward."


During Sacrament meeting one of the mothers in the ward was giving a talk. She spoke for a moment about one of her good friends who died suddenly. This friend was 41 years old, never been married, but had had such a great influence on the lives of those around her. That just got to me. I was already feeling a bit sorry for myself (that's always when things are hardest, when I'm feeling all sorry for myself), and then this description of this individual. And I couldn't help it, I just started to cry. It wasn't even that I was single and had never had kids (and probably never will). It was more that I wonder if my life means anything at all to those around me. What kind of influence do I really have on anyone? If I were to die tomorrow, who would remember me? Who would remember me a year from now?

I do have children in my life who I am connected to in some way - nieces, nephews, faux children - but my influence on their lives is minor, temporary, short-lived. If I were gone, they would probably miss me for a while, but that would be more or less fleeting. Their lives would go on pretty much unaltered. 

I kind of hoped I would have a dream showing me what influence I did have on those around me. I didn't. So all I can do is wonder. And hope that I'm wrong. Hope that my life does mean something. That my influence is felt in lasting ways.

I hate being whiny. But sometimes I just am. I still have a lot to learn.