The other night I attended a Relief Society activity where we had a wonderful guest speaker talk about some of the trials she has faced and how she has endured them. She was a wonderful speaker. Very funny. Very real. She lost her eyesight to cancer and she talked about how she dealt with that. She found so much humor in her situation - I think it takes a special kind of person to be able to find humor in some of what she went through. They became funny and enjoyable experiences only because of her attitude. Many other people, I am sure, might just hole up, become distant, avoid all possible situations that might be difficult or uncomfortable. So I am very grateful that she was able to show an example that even some of the most difficult situations can be seen as the glass half full.
One of the comments she made that really stuck out to me was when she was talking about how she knew that Christ could heal her sight. He could remove the cancer and heal her vision. She said she had enough faith for that to happen. I know I have felt that way also about being gay. When I first recognized my feelings for what they were, I knew they could change. I knew Christ could "heal" me, and help me to have natural feelings for men. There was no doubt in my mind that that could and would happen, because of my faith in Him and my desire for obedience.
But for both this sister, and for me, the desires of our hearts and the efforts of our faith were not experienced. Rather, she and I (and so many other people) get to keep our trials. What struck me was that she said, "It takes more faith to live with your trials than to have them removed." That statement hit home for me. How true that is.
Yes, I could have my gay-ness removed from me. And could go on to experience life as a happy, straight person (with other trials, of course). But honestly, my faith is tested and strengthened and challenged and made to grow because my trial has not be removed. It is this trial that helps me to increase my faith. Use my faith. Rely on hope. Rely on the Savior.
She also spoke about how hurt and offended she feels when people tell her she is such a strong person for being able to go through this - because "the Lord won't give you anything you can't handle." Why be offended and hurt by that? Because she can't handle this trial. I can't handle my trial(s). So really, I am weak. She is weak. How nice to have someone point that out.
We can't handle these trials. And we aren't supposed to be able to. That is exactly why we have a Savior. He is there to literally save us, because we can't handle these things on our own.
I need the Savior. He gives me strength. Helps to pull me through tough times. Is there to comfort me when I fall. And I do fall. He supports me and is patient with me as I make my mistakes, have my temper tantrums, and want to quit.
It takes so much more faith to live with our trials than to have them taken away. I am grateful that Lord is concerned with having me grow, and learn and progress more than allowing me an easier time on this earth. Because ultimately, that growth, learning and progress will and does bring me more joy than I could find otherwise.
