I'm touched. Saddened. Filled with hope. Filled with hurt. I marvel at the goodness of so many, and equally at the level of rejection by others.
I have some loved ones who I desperately want to read this book, with a hope that their understanding of me, and others will increase. That they will be able to see the decisions I make, and look on them with compassion, love and understanding, rather than with hurt, heartbreak and judgement.
For the past two months I've been sitting with and letting sink in a decision I made about the path and direction of my life. So much of this book put into words a great deal of what I have felt and experienced. There is one quote, one thought expressed towards the end that I think summarizes my own life and experiences very well. It summarizes what I have come to realize for myself.
I knew that my purpose for being on this earth was not to be shut down emotionally, physically, and spiritually as I had been, but to be fully present and fully giving and loving in a committed relationship.My emotions have been very close to the surface lately as I've tried to internalize these and so many other things. I am generally not a very deep thinker, and these past couple of months have worn me out. I'm ready to move on, and just get on with my life. I don't know what that really looks like. But really, who does? I do know that I have a deep need and longing for connection. Emotional, spiritual, physical connection.
So I open that door and then move forward with my life the best way I know how.
