Here's the thing - I will never be attracted to guys. I've tried. I really have. It's just not there. I didn't come wired that way. Therefore, I could never have a truly fulfilling, meaningful relationship with one. Not the way a soul craves.
So, I guess, ultimately I have two choices regarding future relationships with women:
Do I want a companion? For life? Do I want that ultimate connection that can exist between two people? Emotional, spiritual, physical, soulful? If so, I need to be able to go all in.
If I can't go all in, then I need to be okay with being single. Because asking someone I care the world about to keep up boundaries on what can and can't happen is just not fair. I know this from painful experience. If there are boundaries on affection it is extremely damaging to the relationship, damaging to the other person, and frankly, can't last.
Either choice will mean sacrificing something deeply important to me. Neither choice comes without heartache, pain, loss. But this choice I must make. It's the choice that all gay and lesbian members of the church must make. There is no good answer.
Arguments for the first choice are generally reinforced with thoughts of the ultimate human connection and experience.
Arguments for the second choice are generally reinforced with thoughts of eternity, and covenants.
However, both arguments will and do ultimately rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ. And least in that there is some hope and comfort.
Oh to be straight and not be faced with questions like this.
If I can't go all in, then I need to be okay with being single. Because asking someone I care the world about to keep up boundaries on what can and can't happen is just not fair. I know this from painful experience. If there are boundaries on affection it is extremely damaging to the relationship, damaging to the other person, and frankly, can't last.
Either choice will mean sacrificing something deeply important to me. Neither choice comes without heartache, pain, loss. But this choice I must make. It's the choice that all gay and lesbian members of the church must make. There is no good answer.
Arguments for the first choice are generally reinforced with thoughts of the ultimate human connection and experience.
Arguments for the second choice are generally reinforced with thoughts of eternity, and covenants.
However, both arguments will and do ultimately rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ. And least in that there is some hope and comfort.
Oh to be straight and not be faced with questions like this.
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteI so feel where you are at on this one. It is so hard to put boundaries on a relationship and have it work out. And, if you're both not in the same place it's even harder. All I can say is.... I understand. I'm praying about things too. Hopefully we'll both find the answers we're searching for.
Annetta