Accepting:
I've gone from complete denial about my attractions, to mostly in denial but still hiding from them, to accepting that they are there, but being bound and determined to make them go away or turn into something more "normal", to accepting that they are indeed a part of who I am and a part of my experience in life.
Learning:
For the rest of my life I get to learn. I get to learn about things. I get to learn about people. I get to learn about myself and how I function, how I handle things, how I act or react to different situations. I get to learn how to manage my thoughts, ideas and feelings. I get to learn how to communicate better. I get to learn what my triggers are and how to avoid them, or even better, how to deal with them effectively.
There are so many things to learn, and the best way to do that is to live.
Living:
My attractions are indeed a part of me, and they aren't going away. But I am not about to pull inside of myself and stop living. I am not about to hide from people out of fear that I might find myself crushing on someone, or being totally smitten by someone. How can I ever truly learn to manage my feelings in an acceptable way to myself if I close myself off to connecting with people? I need people. And I really enjoy connecting with them. I'm not saying I'm good at connecting, but when I can, I enjoy it. But if I worried that I might fall for someone if I let myself get too close, then I would likely end up living a very isolated life and learning very little about myself. That doesn't sound fun to me at all.
There are places and situations that are best left alone - but not necessarily because of this SSA stuff. More so because of the potential loss of the Spirit that might occur. Otherwise, I believe that hiding only delays learning and growth. Sure, I might find myself in a situation that is emotionally and/or mentally taxing, but by facing that, and doing so honestly and diligently, I can learn and grow and become a better person overall.
When I was going through therapy I had to deal with and face many challenging, painful and emotionally taxing and draining things. I could have avoided going to those places, because it was hard. But then where would I be? Still stuck where I was. Rather, I adopted an attitude of "Hard is not bad". In other words, it's okay to go through and face hard things. And now I feel like a very much improved version of myself. I grew and gained a lot of personal knowledge and understanding - on levels physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.
I wouldn't give that up just to avoid potentially painful or hard situations.
Sounds like what I hear from Cody and some friends of mine.. all big fans of "don't hide - just deal with it." I* have always preferred the hiding technique for my own issues. ok - not always - but in some cases all the way (and it worked). But as Cody pointed out, it didn't really solve the problem for me. Well actually it sorta did, which is why I'm still a fan of hiding in some cases.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty funny the disagreement I've had with Cody on this topic.
Isn't getting older awesome?
ReplyDeleteHO, who am I to argue with what works best for you? I know hiding is much, much easier and often feels so much safer. And often things do go away...at least for a while. Until they come back. :) I actually prefer hiding sometimes - but ultimately rather enjoy the lessons learned by not and the ability to move on.
ReplyDeleteAlex, sometimes I think I digress as I grow older; less energy to deal with things. :) But true. I wouldn't go back to my younger years if I had the choice. I like where I am and what I've learned.